there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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