the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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