Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
