Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have fence marks all over my body
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
