I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
