i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
