Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
