Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
