Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
