I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
