btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
