The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
