we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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