Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
