So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
