life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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