looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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