I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
