I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
