i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
