Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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