can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
