i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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