i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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