And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
