Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
