I just saw a hot homeless man
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
