I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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