He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
