We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
