I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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