had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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