Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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