Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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