I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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