Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
