theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
