i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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