I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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