Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i out mim tonsoeep
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
