I want to make a zoo with you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
