so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
