Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
