Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
