i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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