Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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