he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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