So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
