what day is it and did you see me today?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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