ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
