Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
