When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
